Skip to main content

Same Song...Second Verse?

First of all, one million spacebucks to the person who can tell me exactly what the difference is between the FDA and the USDA.

About a year and a half ago, the USDA discarded the oft-revamped Food Pyramid and replaced it with this guy...


As if the previous pyramid didn't confuzzle us enough with its distorted, convoluted rainbow-ray configuration, I would say the USDA's latest effort does a fair job at it as well.  And actually, I think I might feel insulted with the above diagram...while on the surface, it looks like a cute, colorful shape-sort puzzle...but as I ponder the wedge-shaped pieces, I realize, I have no idea what the pieces mean.  I. Don't. Understand.

And that realization leads to other, scarier ones about government agencies.  But I digress.
This MyPlate graphic here indicates that I should eat a large wedge shape full of vegetables every day, followed by a slightly smaller wedge shape of grains...and I dunno, a quick eyeball seems to conclude that I can have the same wedge-size of fruit and protein every day too.  Oh, and there's a cute little blue circle on the side that indicates I get a cute little blue circle's worth of dairy every day as well.  But, judging by the circle and its placement, it appears the government wants me to drink my dairy requirement.

Oh, where do I begin with the questions?

1. Firstly, what size of plate are we supposed to be using to form our wedges?  I mean, the difference between a 8" and 10" plate could be the difference between an extra asparagus spear (and thus, the difference between life and death).

2. Am I doomed to a life without cheese?  Or, I am supposed to melt it and drink it?

3. I know that peanut butter is high in protein.  So, let's say I want to fill my purple wedge with Skippy Extra Crunchy.  Because, you know, that's pretty much what the diagram indicates.  But what about the saturated fats?  Aren't those what clog my arteries and cause massive heart attacks?  But...but...but...

4. What if I'm eating a casserole?  Where does that fit in on the diagram?  I mean, MyPlate is pretty exclusive, and I'm nervous that if a Protein crossed in Vegetable territory, there would be gang wars of devastating proportions.  And where the hell do I put the Cream of Mushroom Soup (that acts as the binder)?  Dairy?  I'm drinking it?

5. No mention of fats on this schematic.  No EVOO.  What's Rachael Ray going to say?

I think I'll stop there.  As I search the Internet, it's obvious other people have problems with this diagram as well...so they provide their own interpretations, for better or worse.  For example...

This guy here makes mention of fats, sodium, and sugar.  And exercise.  We also get more specifics, like 4.5 oz of whole grains a day (but no examples of what those grains might be).  The most guidance comes in the veggie column, compensating for the poor fruit recommendation that follows it.  The protein column sort of addresses my peanut butter question...but my plate size question, my dairy beverage question, and my casserole question go unanswered.


And then here's this guy, courtesy of the nutrition folks at Harvard.  The blue circle is now called 'Water'...and Dairy has a brief cameo within Water's description.  I personally get a kick out of the dig aimed at tuber-lovers in the Vegetable section ("Potatoes and french fries don't count").  This diagram might treat exercise the most maturely of all the pictographs I found - 'Stay active'.  Yeah, that's about all that needs to be said about that.


There's a significant amount of fine print on this one, and for good reason.  Each section on this poster includes tips on how to more easily include this items into your diet.  Some are old-hat ("top cereal with berries or diced fruit") and some are sort of less so ("add barley, bulgar, or quinoa to soups and stews").  But still...

And look at our friend Dairy...look at his bullet points!  One of the four subpoints talks about dairy beverages, the other focus more on dairy and food!  And now, finally, at the end of it all...I feel as if I sort of have the answer to the casserole question. 

But now, I have more questions...like, why is the government making healthy eating so damn complicated?  I feel like I've just played an exhausting game of nutritional Tetris, where more is at stake than going to the next level.  My health, present and future, hangs in the balance.

Comments

  1. The reason healthy eating suggestions from the government is so damn complicated is that the blue berry and green bean lobby does not exist and they have no place at the table when these charts are wrestled from the suggestions of doctors and nutritionist by industry. Yet the beef, corn, pork, wheat, diary, soda-pop, snack and fast food lobby does exist and sets on these panels. This group, so much as it is an arm of the government, is why the government publication is confusing, it has every intention of confusing, so much the more to the benefit of the lobby. As you expressed distaste for the results and lean towards blame of both the government telling people what they should eat and for doing it poorly, so do others, and so what the heck, lets have another cupcake. The foxes and coyotes are on the panel for security at the hen house.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

(She) Blinded Me With...Citrus

Excuse my attempt at tying today's blog entry with an iconic Thomas Dolby song.  What a terrible pun-ishment. Har har har. So, we're on the backside of Winter Vacation/Christmas Break/Holiday Hiatus here.  The kids return to school tomorrow, the freshman and I start back to our respective colleges next Monday. The clock is ticking and suddenly, I am whipped into frenzy to Get Work Done.  I suspect this phenomenon happens to many, many educators who try to avoid that panic-stricken night before they go back to work. And believe me when I say, I had the deepest, most earnest of intentions to write lesson plans, write quizzes, and generally prepare for the restart of my classes next week.  Like, really. And then...I was distracted by...citrus.  This happened. Okay, so....the lemons on the far right are no big deal.  They're available year-round.  But Meyer lemons...MEYER...I only find around here in the winter.  I first read about them i...

Booze for Thought

So.  Every now and then, I feel compelled to talk about something else besides food here at TTOSBF. Today, the topic is alcohol. I enjoy it.  Probably more than I really should, if I may lay the truth out there at my dear readers' feet. Sometimes it's a clever craft beer or a comforting gin and tonic.  I've realized lately that I often reach for the bottles in the liquor cabinet when I'm a.) bored b.) stressed c.) in a boozy social situation or d.) feel like I need a little reward for surviving (thus far) this Trump presidency. Huh.  As it turns out, most of my life these days moves within the realm of one or more of these four conditions. So, I was drinking often.  Every day. And here was the big epiphany: once I started drinking, my productivity went in the toilet.  Don't jump to conclusions, I hardly ever drank myself into a stupor...but I'd get the strong buzz going for sure.  Then, I was near useless.  I wanted to eat everything i...

The Salisbury Steak Haunts Me...

Let's jog the ol' memory tonight. Nah...let's more like shake the crapness out of my memory until it wets itself and surrenders any and all information I ask it for. If you read between the lines (not the Blurred Lines) on my Kenny Rogers-related post, you'll get that my childhood family meals were pretty Amurican.  Beef stew, pot roast, pan-fried pork chops.  I do recall cans of La Choy Chop Suey and chow mein noodles, and in the later years, tacos (and that was ethnic food at our house).  But, for the most part, Hamburger Helper (and this was long before Tuna, Chicken, or Asian Helper) and Swanson's made up the bulk of my childhood eating. And here's where things get even more murky: What in world did I eat for lunch when I was a kid? Take a moment to ponder this very question for yourselves.  Are you having as much trouble as I did answering this question?  Or am I just getting old?  Or have I repressed it? I know I did not get the cafeteria ...