Skip to main content

Same Song...Second Verse?

First of all, one million spacebucks to the person who can tell me exactly what the difference is between the FDA and the USDA.

About a year and a half ago, the USDA discarded the oft-revamped Food Pyramid and replaced it with this guy...


As if the previous pyramid didn't confuzzle us enough with its distorted, convoluted rainbow-ray configuration, I would say the USDA's latest effort does a fair job at it as well.  And actually, I think I might feel insulted with the above diagram...while on the surface, it looks like a cute, colorful shape-sort puzzle...but as I ponder the wedge-shaped pieces, I realize, I have no idea what the pieces mean.  I. Don't. Understand.

And that realization leads to other, scarier ones about government agencies.  But I digress.
This MyPlate graphic here indicates that I should eat a large wedge shape full of vegetables every day, followed by a slightly smaller wedge shape of grains...and I dunno, a quick eyeball seems to conclude that I can have the same wedge-size of fruit and protein every day too.  Oh, and there's a cute little blue circle on the side that indicates I get a cute little blue circle's worth of dairy every day as well.  But, judging by the circle and its placement, it appears the government wants me to drink my dairy requirement.

Oh, where do I begin with the questions?

1. Firstly, what size of plate are we supposed to be using to form our wedges?  I mean, the difference between a 8" and 10" plate could be the difference between an extra asparagus spear (and thus, the difference between life and death).

2. Am I doomed to a life without cheese?  Or, I am supposed to melt it and drink it?

3. I know that peanut butter is high in protein.  So, let's say I want to fill my purple wedge with Skippy Extra Crunchy.  Because, you know, that's pretty much what the diagram indicates.  But what about the saturated fats?  Aren't those what clog my arteries and cause massive heart attacks?  But...but...but...

4. What if I'm eating a casserole?  Where does that fit in on the diagram?  I mean, MyPlate is pretty exclusive, and I'm nervous that if a Protein crossed in Vegetable territory, there would be gang wars of devastating proportions.  And where the hell do I put the Cream of Mushroom Soup (that acts as the binder)?  Dairy?  I'm drinking it?

5. No mention of fats on this schematic.  No EVOO.  What's Rachael Ray going to say?

I think I'll stop there.  As I search the Internet, it's obvious other people have problems with this diagram as well...so they provide their own interpretations, for better or worse.  For example...

This guy here makes mention of fats, sodium, and sugar.  And exercise.  We also get more specifics, like 4.5 oz of whole grains a day (but no examples of what those grains might be).  The most guidance comes in the veggie column, compensating for the poor fruit recommendation that follows it.  The protein column sort of addresses my peanut butter question...but my plate size question, my dairy beverage question, and my casserole question go unanswered.


And then here's this guy, courtesy of the nutrition folks at Harvard.  The blue circle is now called 'Water'...and Dairy has a brief cameo within Water's description.  I personally get a kick out of the dig aimed at tuber-lovers in the Vegetable section ("Potatoes and french fries don't count").  This diagram might treat exercise the most maturely of all the pictographs I found - 'Stay active'.  Yeah, that's about all that needs to be said about that.


There's a significant amount of fine print on this one, and for good reason.  Each section on this poster includes tips on how to more easily include this items into your diet.  Some are old-hat ("top cereal with berries or diced fruit") and some are sort of less so ("add barley, bulgar, or quinoa to soups and stews").  But still...

And look at our friend Dairy...look at his bullet points!  One of the four subpoints talks about dairy beverages, the other focus more on dairy and food!  And now, finally, at the end of it all...I feel as if I sort of have the answer to the casserole question. 

But now, I have more questions...like, why is the government making healthy eating so damn complicated?  I feel like I've just played an exhausting game of nutritional Tetris, where more is at stake than going to the next level.  My health, present and future, hangs in the balance.

Comments

  1. The reason healthy eating suggestions from the government is so damn complicated is that the blue berry and green bean lobby does not exist and they have no place at the table when these charts are wrestled from the suggestions of doctors and nutritionist by industry. Yet the beef, corn, pork, wheat, diary, soda-pop, snack and fast food lobby does exist and sets on these panels. This group, so much as it is an arm of the government, is why the government publication is confusing, it has every intention of confusing, so much the more to the benefit of the lobby. As you expressed distaste for the results and lean towards blame of both the government telling people what they should eat and for doing it poorly, so do others, and so what the heck, lets have another cupcake. The foxes and coyotes are on the panel for security at the hen house.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

(She) Blinded Me With...Citrus

Excuse my attempt at tying today's blog entry with an iconic Thomas Dolby song.  What a terrible pun-ishment. Har har har. So, we're on the backside of Winter Vacation/Christmas Break/Holiday Hiatus here.  The kids return to school tomorrow, the freshman and I start back to our respective colleges next Monday. The clock is ticking and suddenly, I am whipped into frenzy to Get Work Done.  I suspect this phenomenon happens to many, many educators who try to avoid that panic-stricken night before they go back to work. And believe me when I say, I had the deepest, most earnest of intentions to write lesson plans, write quizzes, and generally prepare for the restart of my classes next week.  Like, really. And then...I was distracted by...citrus.  This happened. Okay, so....the lemons on the far right are no big deal.  They're available year-round.  But Meyer lemons...MEYER...I only find around here in the winter.  I first read about them i...

Girl Friends Are Great!

About a year and a half-ish ago, I stumbled into a parent organization called Choir Boosters.  Just about every learning institution in America has one (or several).  If there's a sport or activity, there are parents who want to be involved because their kid's in it. My daughter, who was a freshman at the time, joined her high school's choir.  Actually, she was asked to join the elite Chamber Choir, and for the first time in my parenting history, I had a child in an organization with a booster club I wanted to join.  My oldest son, who is two years older, participates in minimal activities, and not any with booster clubs, so no chances there.  Until now... A very pleasant side benefit of doing this "stuff for my kids" is that I've grown close with a few of the other women, so much so that when our big fundraiser was done in December, we wanted to keep getting together. Thus, the Mad Moms (our big fundraiser is called a Madrigal Dinner..."Mad...

In Which I Suspect I Have Latent Tendencies...Much Like The Hulk, Or Similar

I find in most normally functioning families, the members have a distinguishing role or legacy or skill of some kind. Like, he's the smart one.  Or, he's the religious one.  Or...she's the glue that helps the fam together.  Or, she's the savvy one, so she's the Power of Attorney. In my family, that system went something like this: My dad was The Dad.  Cantankerous, crotchety, and especially tight with daughters' curfew times.  Also, not a fan of driving in Big Cities. My mom was the long-suffering, patient, reserved one. My brother was the baby, the one who got away with murder, the namesake, and also, Frosty Hoarder. Me?  My legacy?  The Ruiner of Remote Controls.  No lie.  Although I've repressed the memories, my parents claim I destroyed at least two remotes in my tenure as Child Under The Roof.  Remote #1: milk spillage; Remote #2: applesauce spillage. So, now you see why my younger brother was the favorite. Anyway, t...